Wajeeha-Secrets of the Soul

Tuesday, May 26th 2015

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Today I was shaken awake in the middle of the night by my mother. She seemed frantic and since nothing made sense to me then, I just followed her outside into the courtyard assuming it was another earthquake until I realized nothing was shaking.

“What is it this time Mama?” I asked her, furious that my sleep had been disturbed again.

“Shut up stupid, I boiled some water so you could take a shower today, remember, today is Tuesday, there won’t be any electrify all day today,” my mother reminded me in her usual tone.

She pointed at the bucket sitting by the small tin stove and I rushed to pick it up.  I no longer was angry about my sleep being ruined. In fact I felt happy about the fact that I was lucky enough to get TWO warm showers this week, usually I don’t even get one.  I went back to bed with a good feeling in my heart. Today was going to be a good day even without electricity.

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My alarm went off as usual at 8:00am. I got up, took a shower and got ready for school. I went downstairs to see my breakfast was already prepared for me, french toast; my favorite.  My parents must’ve already left for work so I called my best friend to pick me up, but she called me before I called her.

“I’m waiting outside your house bro, hurry up.” A found myself smiling as I thought of how well she knew me.

I rushed out the door and hopped into her car.

“Did you finish the assignment,” she asked me as we drove to school.

“Yeah man, you need it?” I asked knowing all too well she did, given that she was out partying last night.

“Ahah duh, just do it for me right now okay, I owe you,” she said

Being the good friend I am, I did her assignment and managed to finish it before we got to school. My friend stopped on the way for a coffee and got me one too.

This was a typical morning for me, but for some reason something felt out of place today. As we parked in the student parking lot and the school building loomed over us, I realized with horror that I didn’t study for the math test today. I did the stupid assignment, but forget to study for the damn test.

Today was going to be a horrible day.

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I am the silent water of the eyes

Falling another drop as another dream dies

Drop by drop, I will become a river

And alone in the night, you will shiver

As you feel me crashing against your stone heart

Hard as it is, it will surely break apart

You will weep so bitterly alone

Wondering how water could possibly crack stone

You will simply watch every time the river will crash

Reducing your stone heart to nothing but ash

By then you will feel as if you’ve drowned

Unaware that you’ve actually been crowned

From these very ashes you will rise

As this salty water dries

You will leave the world mesmerized

Once they’ve realized

That you, my dear are a Phoenix,

A creature strengthened by its critics

 

This poem was inspired from one of the river walks, the one where we were supposed to pick a person to watch through the eyes of a writer. The women I picked was a guitarist who was sitting on the patio singing in a beautiful voice. One of the lyrics that caught my ear and eventually my interest was, “Phoenix in the Water.” As a writer, I could go in countless directions with these few words, so I chose to write a poem.  Basically the poem is about a strong and tough individual that seems unbreakable. This is what the stone heart symbolizes; a sturdy individual. The water in this poem is symbolic of outside hate and pressure. The fact that it starts out as a silent tear drop and becomes a roaring river that is able to break something as hard as rock is reflective of the idea that it does not simply take one mean comment or one act of bullying to hurt someone but, rather the consistency of these horrible things that make strong individuals with potential fall apart and break.  The idea that a beautiful and majestic bird, a Phoenix rises from a pitiful pile of ash is symbolic of the idea that the best things and the best people have seen and experienced the hardest things. So, in a nutshell this poem is about someone who has gone through a tough time only to come out stronger and better.  You could essentially take away two things from this poem. The first is that with consistency an individual can accomplish anything (positive or negative) and the second is that our hardships mold us into better and stronger beings than we were before.

 

 

Riding home that late afternoon in June on the train from downtown with almost too many shopping bags and a cup of ice cream for each of us, laughing  and exchanging lively conversations along with a few roasts here and there was the last time the three of us were together in the same place. We didn’t know it then, but I’m not sure we would’ve done anything differently even if we did.

We had picked up our report cards the day before, happy to know we had once again gotten through the year with decent grades and a whole ton of great memories. High school just kept getting better and better. Eleventh grade was better than tenth grade and there was no doubt that twelfth grade would be the best year of high school. How could it not be? We were going to be seniors next year! There was always a charm associated with that word, a sense of superiority and accomplishment and not to mention, a whole lot of fun. There was senior ditch day, senior prank and of course graduation! We were all going to graduate together.  We would throw our grad caps and feel them rain down upon us, the whole sensation would be topped off with the deafening cheer of achievement. We would feel that moment together.

We decided to hang out the whole day together in downtown the day after we got our report cards.  We spent the entire day shopping, eating, taking pictures (only a few of which that would end up being main worthy). We did our fair share of fooling around too, but most importantly we talked. We talked about anything and everything; clothes, food, celebrities, guys, movies, books. We told secrets and stories, we discussed our lives, our aspirations for the future, our plans for the summer and the list could go on forever.  I told them that my family had planned on going for a three week vacation, camping out west by the mountains and visiting family friends along the way.  Amber had gotten a part time job and planned on spending her summer working and saving up while Ariana planned on catching up on every Netflix show there was. We had made plans to go paint balling soon after I would come back. Little did we know that we would never go paint balling that summer much less even graduate together.

While I was away having a great time by the mountains with my family, Ariana’s  father had been appointed a higher position in his field, he got a new job on the other side of the country. It was well paying too, Ariana kept sending pictures  of what her penthouse would look like and she said there would be people waiting on her, basically anything you could imagine of a rich and lavish lifestyle. I was happy for my best friend, obviously I was, she was going to be living a life full of luxury, but that didn’t change how much I was going to miss her and how her absence would be felt a great deal whenever I hung out with a group of friends from then on. I planned on saying good bye as soon as I got back, but by the time I got back she was long gone to her new home, her new life in a new place with new people. I never even got to say good bye. As for Amber and I, things weren’t about to go on the same way as they used to either. Two teachers at our current school were convicted of sexual assault and there was no way our parents were about to send us back there.  Amber got sent to a well reputed school located a 2 hour bus ride from her home and I got sent to a private school that had been ranked the #1 high school in the whole city for the past ten years. To be quite honest I had good expectations, after all I had heard amazing things about my new school.  At that point I wasn’t too depressed about not spending senior year with my best friends. Amber and I could still hang out whenever we wanted and as for Ariana, we called everyday. It almost felt like she wasn’t so far away. Almost.  I didn’t notice it then but a small gap had opened up inside me, my hopes slowly falling and disappearing  into it one by one.

I was wrong about many things that summer because I had stood firmly by the hope that senior year would be the best year of high school.  Maybe not as good as I imagined without my best friends, but everyone said senior year was the best. Why would I be any different? It didn’t occur to me then that the people I would be going to school with that September would turn out to be an entirely different breed of high school kids that would crush all my hopes for my last year of high school. The last year before we would step out into the real world.

To Be Continued…

 

 

“They’re afraid of me,” I thought as a small laugh escaped my mouth, “I don’t blame them, I’m afraid of myself too”. I let the thought sink in as I spun my knife around in my hands. I don’t even  know my own limits. It’s like there’s something living inside me, a monster. I need to control myself. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my door, “Sir”, it was Rebecca, one of my secretaries. She stopped talking when she saw the knife. “Yes?”, I asked as I tucked my knife behind my pillow. “Sir, there’s a letter for you”. “From who?”, I responded curious on why someone would send ME a letter. “On the envelope it said ‘David’”. I froze Her words started repeating in my head. The more I heard the name, the more furious I got. “S-sir is everything alright?”. I looked up at my secretary who was frightened by my actions. I didn’t notice, but the knife made its way back to my hands and I was spinning it vigorously. “Uh, yeah I’m fine”, I lied, “Don’t open it and tell Jessica to have my breakfast ready, I’ll be down in 20 minutes”. She obeyed and silently exited my room, closing the door behind her. What’s wrong with me. Why did I do that again. She looked so scared. I don’t blame her, I’m afraid of myself too. I put the knife away and took a shower. “Good morning sir”, my workers and bodyguards said in sync as they gave me a bow. “Good morning”, I responded while putting on my jacket. I ate breakfast and just as I was about to leave, I remembered. “Rebecca”, she came running. “Yes sir”. “Where is the letter”, I asked. “Let me get it for you”, she grabbed the envelope and handed it to me and I exited the building. As I drove to my hideout I picked up my cell phone and called my best friend. “Hey Ethan, can you meet me at my hideout?” he said yes and I hung up the phone.

 

25 minutes later

 

I parked my car and saw Ethan’s car parked as well. We both got out of our vehicles and headed inside. “So why’d you call me all of a sudden, something special”, he teased. “Just shut up and come with me” he said, man this guy, he always asks the stupidest questions at the wrong time. “Ooh, Romeo’s a little grumpy, what happened you didn’t get breakfast?” he teased and I slapped him on the back of his neck. “Oww, what was that for” he whined. Ethan and I have been friends for 12 years now, we’re more like brothers. The two of us walked down the hallway which led to the living area and sat down. “So what’s the matter Romeo, why’d you call me all of a sudden?” he asked. “Do you remember David?” I replied solemnly. Ethan’s expression went from worried to angry. “Yeah, what happened now” he questioned and I handed him the letter. He quickly read it out loud.

 

“Dear Alex

Long time no see. I don’t need to say much so just give me a call. The quicker the better, and if you don’t, you’ll regret it.

647-707-1923

David”

 

“So should I call him”, I asked, unsure of what to do next. “Yeah, go ahead, let’s see what he has to say now”. Without hesitation, i picked up my cell phone and called David. I had it on speaker.

“Come see me or you’ll lose her too”, that’s it,that’s all he said. “He already killed my parents, I won’t let him take her too”, I said and picked up my best gun and sharpest knife for backup. Ethan was quiet the entire time and followed me as I left the room. I was too stressed to drive so Ethan drove. Something felt weird, something about the way Ethan was acting. Then it hit me that we didn’t have a destination to go to, but Ethan, he was driving with so much confidence. “Do you even know where we’re going, h-he didn’t give us an address”, I said, almost yelling out of frustration but he didn’t say anything. I let go of the bad thought and shortly after we arrived at the place. Tears welled in my eyes as I saw my sister tied in the same spot my mom took her last breath, but I blinked them away, I had to stay strong. People really know how to torture someone. I ran to my sister and just as I was about to hold her hand I heard a gunshot, she was gone. B-BUT HOW, DAVID WAS STANDING NEXT TO HER AN- I slowly turned around. Ethan was happily standing by my car, now lowering his gun, with a humongous smirk on his face. How could he do this to me after 12 years of being by my side. How did this happen so quick. I grew furious. I’m human, but I’m also the leader of the greatest mafia in the world. I took out my gun and pulled the trigger, pointing it at Ethan. He fell to the ground and David, now sacred knowing what I am capable of picked his gun up, but he was too slow for me. The second bullet fired and went straight through David’s chest. I felt a wave of relief, but there was one more thing. “I am the leader of the greatest mafia in the world, they were afraid of me”. I said as a small laugh escaped my mouth, “I don’t blame them, I’m afraid of myself too”.

I pressed the gun to my head. Cold. Smooth. Deathly.

I pulled the trigger.

 

The day I got lost…

Now you’re probably thinking I’m going to write about a a time when I was 5 years old or perhaps 6 years old because at that age its normal that kids get lost for a little while doing silly things. NO. Let’s fast forward in time like let’s say maybe TEN YEARS. This is a story from when I was 15 years old.

I still remember that cloudy rainy day. Seeing the overcast that day my mom told me to wear high tops or more durable sneakers, but as stubborn as usual I decided to wear my black low cut sneakers that went perfectly with my outfit. The school day was nothing out of the ordinary, but what happened after school would be held over my head as a taunt for the rest of my life. By the time last block rolled around it was pouring. The pitter patter of the rain drops on the window almost drowned out the  voice of my teacher and all I could think was “how am I going to walk home in this weather wearing these shoes?” I decided I would take the short way home; I’ll get home in half the time right? WRONG! Little did I know it then that I wouldn’t be home for another 5 hours. As I was leaving school my headphones were in my ears blasting music and my eyes were glued to my ipod screen because clearly whatever was on there was way more important than watching where my feet were taking me.  After some time passed, it dawned on me that maybe I should look where I’m going. I looked up and I looked around. There was not a single familiar thing about  my surroundings. There was a construction site to my right and broken fence to my left and I was standing on a long road that didn’t seem to end. I scanned the area to see if there was a person that could help me, but obviously no one was out in this weather. At this point I wasn’t panicked because I believed I could figure things out as usual, so I decided to follow the long road. After a long while of following this road I realized I was only becoming more lost. I decided to turn my data on and use google maps to help me, but as soon as I pressed the home button, my ipod died. Great. Just great. I was getting really frustrated now. I kept following the long road until I reached what seemed to be a wealthy neighborhood under construction. The houses that were already built were twice the size of the houses in my neighborhood. They had elegant windows and fancy doors that led out to lush lawns and vibrant gardens. I stopped for a second to admire these houses when I saw a mouse scurry out from its hiding place to the other side of the muddy road. I let out a small scream because it had run right over my foot. My scream had a remarkably loud echo for something so small. Then it hit me. This neighborhood was uninhabited and I was all alone, lost in the middle of nowhere. A sudden sense of horror seized me and I ran as fast as I could. to where I was not aware myself. I just needed to get away from this eerie place. I could hear my feet slapping the wet ground making splashing sounds behind me. Suddenly my foot hit something hard and the ground came rushing towards me. I fell to the ground with a thud and given the burning sensation in my knees, I had scraped them. I slowly got up. My feet felt like they had been filled with wet gravel. My whole body was sore and I was out of breath. On top of all that I was soaked from head to toe and my glasses were foggy. As I took them off to wipe them the familiar sound of ringing that signaled the train was crossing filled my ears. I quickly put my glasses on and looked to where the sound was coming from. I realized with a huge sense of relief that this was the train station behind my aunt’s house and that her house was just a few steps away.  I turned around and hobbled to my aunt’s doorstep and rang the bell. She opened the door and let me inside. She looked  more relieved then I was when she gave me a new set of clothes to change into and a warm cup of milk to drink. My feet were bruised and blistered in every place. My knees were scabbed and my whole body was sore, but at least I wasn’t lost anymore. I checked the  time and I was  shocked to see that I left school five hours ago. I had been walking for 5 hours straight!  No wonder I felt this horrible. By the time I finished changing and cleaning myself up, my parents were here to pick me up.  After I told the whole story to everyone my mom shook her head in disbelief and said ” you got lost, we thought you got kidnapped!”  After my siblings heard the story  and after they made sure I was fine, a smirk found its place on my sister’s face and said “she’s 15 and couldn’t find her way home!” At that everyone laughed, but I was just happy to be home.